I turned 25 on Monday. Wow, that feels weird, even to type. I really didn’t think I was going to feel any differently, but when I got up Monday morning I felt…old…tired…disappointed…the list could go on. Most birthdays, in fact all birthdays before this one I was always pretty happy just to wake up on my birthday. I’m not sure if it’s the training I’ve been in for the last week and a half or the mere fact that my birthday was on a Monday, but I felt distinctly different than I ever have before on my birthday.
Maybe it is because 25 is a milestone birthday. Yes, I think that’s part of it. Last year on my birthday I had a list of 25 things to accomplish before I turned 25. I can’t remember what half of them are and I’m too lazy to look. Which reminds me that one of them was to exercise regularly. Ha. If I can’t even remember what they are I am sure that I probably did not accidentally complete them. I did get my masters degree and I landed a job, but somehow those accomplishments were overshadowed by the looming student loan payments that are in my future. Go figure.
So anyway I was thinking about things I set out to do and likely didn’t do but I can’t even be sure because I lack the gumption to do so and it kind of depresses me. I start to think about what I thought my life would be like at 25 and I realize it’s completely different. Even as little as 5 years ago I hadn’t met Seth and I think at that point I had not become burned out on missions. That is another story for another day. That got me thinking about how I haven’t really “done anything” because in my convoluted mind getting your masters degree counts as not doing anything. I was feeling pretty low and as if I hadn’t even done anything with my life. How depressing.
And then i realized I have basically completed all of the schooling I ever want to and now I am on the cusp of getting to make a difference…change the world…and leave my mark, things like that. It’s reminds me of when Abraham Lincoln said if he had 6 hours to cut down a tree he would spend the first 4 sharpening his axe. (or something to that effect). So that’s what I’ve been doing, I’ve been sharpening my axe and now I am going to chop down some trees. Watch out world because I am coming at you with a vengeance. And by world I most certainly mean central Illinois.
Writing this has been cathartic because it forced me to get my feelings out of my head. It forced me to come to the realization that I’m not where I thought I would be but that’s ok. And a little preparation never hurt anyone. I don’t ever have to go to school again, that is a happy thought. I can climb the career ladder and I don’t have to worry about getting anymore degrees. I can start having babies and I won’t have to be I school while they are in school. (not that I’m having babies anytime soon). Life is good and I think I’m exactly where I need to be.